Earth Day Can Bite My Butt

Earth Day is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard of. Not because I don't like the Earth. The Earth and I get along fine. But I just hate these fad-driven, made-up days intended to give people the feeling they're making a difference, when they're in fact printing up information about their special day on paper made from some of the same trees they're trying to save.

So, in honor of this ridiculous, useless, infuriatingly masturbatory and profoundly stupid day, I made a list of other special days I'd like to see:

• Dog Drool Day
  
• National We-Hate-Special-Days Day
  
• People Who Hate Being Told "Bless You" When They Sneeze Day
  
• Uvula Day
  
• National Too Few Socks Day
  
• Supid Fake Smile Day
  
• Green Frogs With Red Eyes Day
  
• Pretending to Think Your Boss is Funny Day
  
• Blender Appreciation Day
  
• Windshield Bug Oblivion Day
  
• Paper Cut Days
  
• Stupid Religion, Including the Xenu Thing, Day
  
• Pennies Are Useless Day
  
• Crushed Ice Appreciation Day
  
• International Day of Making Stupid Lists
  
• Mucus Day
  
• Find Waldo a New Shirt Day
  
• International Day of the Last Donut Hole
  
• broken cap key day
  
• Looking Back at What You Tripped Over Day
  
• Monobrow Day
  
• Playing Rock Band is Not Being a Musician Day
  
• Beer Backwash Day
  
• Bras Are for Boobs Day
  
• Snappy Comeback You Think of Later Day
  
• Popping a Cap Day
  
• Remember When Newspapers Made Money Day
  
• "Yarp" is Not a Word Day
  
• Cigar Smoker Murder Day
  
• People That Only Show Up for the Free Food Day
  
• Can't Fit Into My Jeans Day
  
• Wild-Eyed Apathy Day
  
• Day of the Gerund
  
• Cab Driver Smell Day
  
• Dithering Nitwit Day
  
• That Mouthwash's Been Tampered With Day
  
• National Numb Thighs Day
  
• Stop With the Useless Meetings Already Day
  
• Clouds Without a Silver Lining Day

Who do I send those to? Some kind of government agency?