On Second Thought

Shouldn't it really be called lubrican?

Reversals Are Sometimes Funny

In comedy, "reversals" can sometimes be funny. So, today I was thinking how weird egg tosses are. (My friend Josh, on his Web site, says he was the "Egg Toss Champion of Paso Robles, California." That's what got me thinking about this.)

We're essentially playing a game with the (potentially fertilized) embryo of another living creature. How funny would it be to make a short where two giant chickens are playing baby toss with human babies?

Please note, I said "sometimes" funny.

Lemme Get This Straight

For hundreds of years, people drew. Sometimes with ink. Sometimes in pencil.

Then people invented computers.

One of the cabilities of some computers is the ability to render images as if they were, wait for it, drawn. Yay, technology!



I, for one, am going to invent a computer that churns butter. And nobody can stop me.

Best. Craigslist. Listing. Ever.

No, really.

I Feel, Well, Dirty a Little

Ever hear of this site? Spokeo? It asks for your e-mail address and password, and it goes to work building a list of your friends and their activity on social networking sites.

I'm fascinated. I'm intrigued. I'm stunned. I feel, well, yeah, dirty. It feels a little like snooping or something. Weird.

I don't know about you sometimes, Interwebs.

Little

That's his name.

Mother's Day

For Mother's Day, I played Scrabble with my mother (and pretended to lose, of course). I also took my grandmother to the Bellagio to see the flowers. She seemed to enjoy it.

Am I the Last to Know?

Even when I like things, I don't often rave. I'm just not a raver, I guess. ("Firefly" fans are swooning right now.)

However, this find is worth a rave. It's ThePioneerWoman.com. This woman is just such an amazing, funny writer, and has such fascinating stories to tell.

I know people don't read online, but this might just get them started.

Set aside some time, settle in, and just soak it all in. Just trust me on this one.

Additionally enjoyable if you're into photography and Photoshop, as should we all be.

It's Brandon

My nephew Brandon is almost always smiling.

A New, Wider Blog

Since I've been into posting my photos of late, I thought I might attempt to widen my blog to accommodate bigger images. In the blog entry below this one, which was written prior to this blog entry, I pondered having a wider blog. But now, having widened it, that entry seems kind of stupid. Please ignore the entry, and just focus on the majesty of the image I posted, now wide, with no need for clickage.

I Need a Wider Blog

I want to post more photos. But I don't like being limited to such small images. So, I need a wider blog. If you know of someone who has a wide blog for rent or sale, please let me know.

In the meantime, click on this image for the whole damned image. (Sorry, Mormons.)



This here is a photo of the famed Bellagio (Italian for "tightest slots EVER") and Caesars Palace from the front of the Paris. If only we could all get along like the wildly international hotels on the Las Vegas Strip.

Oh, here's some trivia. It's Caesars, not Caesar's.

Only in America

Only in America. Well, the southern parts, anyway.

Mr. Norris, Mr. Wilder

Wow. Chuck Norris has FINALLY met his match.

All Hail Photoshop

Finally, a truly productive use for Photoshop (other than the alteration of billboards for potentially humorous effect, of course). Fathers and babies with their heads swapped.

Let's Just Decide

The world can be frustrating sometimes. We look around us and feel that frustration because often we hear news that makes us feel powerless to change things. How many times a day do we say, "That's SO stupid!" during the course of our day. I say it a lot. Stupid, misguided, dumb, insane, ridiculous. They all fit. From religion to politics, there are so many things that just don't seem to make sense.

Well, I don't see why, in a democracy, we can't just all decide some things should just be different. If all the sensible people in the world just decided things should change, they would change. It's really pretty simple.

Let's all just decide, as of today, that when a female teacher has sex with a teenaged boy, there's no crime. Nobody's career needs to be ruined, nobody goes to jail. There are no victims. See? Simple.

Also, let's just decide the government doesn't get to borrow money. We spend what we bring in. Simple. Oh, and maybe we could all just decide to lower taxes. We all decide that nobody needs to get grants studying the mating habits of the ground squirrel. The squirrels will manage.

From here on out, nobody gets arrested for marijuana. I've never had it, but it seems harmless enough. Much more prison space. More money to spend on schools and parks and roads. Simple.

Let's just all agree that if a traffic light is red, but no cars can be seen in either direction, we can just go. Really, we can make these big decisions without the help of mechanical devices.

Let's decide, all together, that if a country experiences a horrific tragedy, such as a cyclone, but the government of that country can't help their citizens, but refuses to accept outside assistance, we just invade them and help the people and leave afterward.

It's time for everyone to decide that we'll stop lying to ourselves about bridesmaids dresses. None have ever looked good, and none will ever be worn for other occasions. Bridesmaids exist to make the bride look great. Let's all get onboard with this from here on out.

Let's all just decide that farmers will no longer be paid to not grow things.

Let's all decide to be able to locate Iraq on a map. Everyone.

Let's decide that if someone got into a mortgage, and they didn't understand the terms of that contract, well, next time read the thing. Or rent. But don't expect us to help you out of the mess.

Let's all decide that no matter how old Grandma might be, it's not all right to grow whiskers.

How about if we all just decide that religious organizations get to pay taxes like the rest of us? Starting today. In no time, we'll have more schools and roads and parks than we know what to do with.

Let's decide that rock bands don't get to charge nearly as much as they do for concerts. The truth is that it's really stupid to "watch music." Concerts should cost as much as movies, no more. If we all decide that's about right, that's what concerts will cost.

I say we decide that providing handicap parking spaces is fine, but let's make it one per establishment. That's it. It's not that we don't have sympathy for people with disabilities, but when was the last time you saw a person with an actual disability using one of those spots?

Let's all decide that "Deal or No Deal" is maybe the dumbest show ever. It's a five-second guessing game stretched out to an hour, and sometimes longer (it feels much, much longer). And, no, actually, the aspiring actresses who open the briefcases don't help.

Let's decide that Internet gambling is no different than any other kind. To outlaw it is treating people like imbeciles. People can do what they want with their own money.

Let's all agree that babies don't get to attend theatrical films. And they don't get to eat in restaurants.

It's time we decided that we don't have to sue every time we slip on a grape in a grocery store. Sometimes we hurt ourselves. We'll survive.

I say we all just decide it's OK to talk to strangers. There aren't nearly the number of serial killers and pedophiles we've been told there are, and in the long run, being friendly to strangers is worth the risk. Life is just plain better when we're not living in fear 24-7.

Let's decide we're going to get our own oil, in Alaska or wherever, and never let other countries decide how much our gas is going to cost. I love caribou, too, but come on.

Let's decide that if a restaurant is hurt by a smoking ban, it's OK. Make better food.

Let's all just decide that what famous actors and musicians do during their time off isn't all that interesting. The paparazzi will be fine. Wedding photography can be very lucrative, and nobody gets hurt.

Let's decide not to waste another second of our lives debating about whether it's OK to burn a flag. Spend your energy protecting a veteran's health benefits, not a piece of material.

Let's decide, as of this minute, that anyone who gets caught generating spam e-mails in vast quantities gets life in prison. We know where to get Viagra, so leave us the hell alone.

I think it's time we all agree that if you find something, and it's not yours, you give it back. It's not a news story. It's what's right.

Let's all decide that TV shows don't make great source material for movies. Sorry. Try coming up with something original. You can do it.

We don't need to have debates about all this. No judges or Congresspeople need to get involved. We can just decide. Especially on the easy stuff. Who said we have to be a "country of laws." Maybe we can just decide to be a country of common sense. And if you don't agree, well, then, you're probably protecting your job or something, and you don't get to help make the decision. Sorry.

What other things do you think we should just decide? Other than deciding not to forward this list to a friend, of course.

Wrap Your Brain Around This

Far and away the best theory on "Lost" yet. Settle in and read what I think is the key to understanding the array of mysteries presented by this great show.

We Did It!

I can't believe I didn't blog about this already. I guess that's because there's a chance it will sound like bragging, but mostly it's a way of thanking my dad for his help with a project I instigated awhile back.

I'm proud to say that with the old man's help, he and I have collected 10,000 books (to be exact, 10,488) for Spread the Word Nevada: Kids to Kids, the children's literacy program here in Las Vegas.



This little quest began a few months into volunteering with this group that gives books to at-risk children in local schools (among other things). I thought it would be fun to try and collect and donate 1,000 books, a total that seemed a bit unrealistic at the time. I enlisted the help of my dad because he hits yard sales just about every weekend, and I figured I'd just throw him a few bucks each week, and he could do the hard part, finding and acquiring the books.

As time went by, we hit our 1,000 book goal, and I asked the folks at Kids to Kids what the all-time donation record had been. At the time, it was about 1,200, I think. A Boy Scout had done a book drive or something. Well, it sounded like he needed beating, so that's what we did. We passed his record, and just kept on going.

After we hit 5,000 books in June of 2007 (about the time that photo was taken, I think), we started getting smarter about our collections. Dad carries Kids to Kids brochures in his car, and he schmoozes folks at rummage sales and estate sales and yard sales, and often gets books donated for free. I've gotten into the habit of raiding Salvation Army thrift stores in our area, often getting hundreds of books at a time, often for 10 cents each.

Dad is definitely not into recognition. It's just not his thing. But our reaching 10,000 books (a goal I set that he thought was a bit silly...he just wants to help kids) warrants a public thank you.

We hit 10,000 books back on April 16, and I baked Dad a cake, mostly because he just hates it when people make a fuss. He's just collecting books for kids, mostly because I asked him to.



So, thanks, Dad. It's been a blast, and I can't wait to hit that next 10,000 and beyond. Oh, and I love you, Dad. Mostly because saying it is kind of making a fuss.

They Don't Get Much Cuter

Took a few portraits of the daughter of my friend Steve the other day, and I was pleased with the results. It's difficult to take bad photos of a cute kid, that's for sure. They make me look like I know what I'm doing!

Today's Movie Review

Just HAD to see "Iron Man" during its opening weekend. It's gotten some great reviews, and it had some great elements. I'd say Robert Downey, Jr. was the best part of the flick. Funny and charming.

The rest of the film was pretty standard issue. I was at a bit of a loss as to why the billionaire arms dealer guy suddenly decides to become a hero for the little guy. There's really nothing to spur that on. It's like they edited out the scenes where he saw some tragic loss of life brought about by his company's weaponry.

But then again, plot has never been the strong suit of these comic book-inspired summer spectacles.

The climax dragged on a bit long, so get some extra popcorn. Or better yet, go to a Regal theater on Tuesday nights and get free popcorn (when you join their Regal club thingy).

Overall, I'm excited about the summer movie season. Great buzz on a few of these movies. "Hancock." Lots of comedies, too. "Get Smart" has potential, and same with "Pineapple Express." "The Dark Knight" looks like a goodie. Those dudes falling from the sky in the "The Happening" commercial probably makes it look better than it is, but it gets one's attention. I'll probably check out the "X-Files" movie just for old times sake.

There are gonna be some disappointments, for sure. The "Indiana Jones" trailer is underwhelming (it looks like Indy's punching in slow motion, to be honest). "Narnia" looks like a yawner, same with "Wall-E." "Speed Racer"? God awful! "The Love Guru" doesn't elicit even on chortle in the preview. The "Mamma Mia!" movie? Please, just shoot me now.

Should be a fun summer!

It's Not All Sand

Yeah, Las Vegas can get a bit dry. But there is some color to be found in the desert around this time of the year. I dropped by the Springs Preserve the other day. No, I don't know what that is exactly, either. But apparently there are cacti there, and some bloom. And there are other botanical things around, if you look for them. I took a few photos I thought you might enjoy. So, do.

Ryan Seacrest is a Giant Boob

First, Ryan Seacrest is, quite possibly, an alien. He is kind of ruining "American Idol" all by himself. The quirks of the other people involved are kind of charming, but this DJ guy who completely lucked into this gig is a freak. Just profoundly affected and entirely out of touch with what his part of the show is. His part of the show should be to, oh, die. Maybe if someone tells him that James Dean is still famous because he died before his time, well, that might inspire him to step into some water while holding an exposed power line.

Second, I care about fricking "American Idol"?

And last, I wonder if my blog will get more search engine traffic now that I have the term "giant boob" in it.

Thank You, Interwebs

That stupid Tivo erased the last episode of "Lost." But I went to the ABC site and watched the episode. The whole thing. On the computer. I suppose people have been doing this for some time now, but I have never had the occasion until now. It was a good episode of the best show on the air right now. And my life is all the better for it. So, thank you ABC, and you writers, and you TV people, and mostly you, Interwebs.

Best. Logo. Screwup. Ever.

Well, as the kids say, this one takes the cake. I have to HAND it to the folks at the UK's Office of Government Commerce for their great new logo.

Turn it on its side, and this SPANKING new logo has got it going on.

Trademark Update

I guess I've jumped the various hurdles involved in getting my Dribbleglass.com tagline trademarked ("The Internet's Official Humor Site"), and from what I can tell, I'm moving on to the publication phase of the process, whatever that might actually be.

This is what I've been provided as the current status: "The information will be/was published in the Official Gazette on 2008-05-13."

Who knew there was an Official Gazette?! I'm excited to see how all this turns out, although I readily admit that the trademark process is so slow, I may get my trademark right around the time I'm collecting my first Social Security check and having my second hip replaced.

I was/am so excited about this! From what I can tell, if the trademark actually happens, I can then start using the "R within the circle" symbol to show that my trademark is no longer just a stupid, misguided dream, but an actual federally registered, and almost entirely useless, reality.

Uh, hey, if you see the Official Gazette on your local newsstand, snag me a copy, will ya?

Yay, Government!

Someone else's government, of course, but you have to start somewhere.