Get Out of MY Town

So, today a friend forwards an article that pretty much just bashes the town I love, Las Vegas. At first I thought this was just some jerkwad freelancer spouting in an impotent attempt to get a little ink. Then I found out the "writer" is actually the editor of this publication. Wow. Gotta love the editor of a publication that covers Las Vegas having such a clear bias about that very town.

Well, it ain't like me to not come to the defense of my baby. So, here's my letter to the editor. (The mean-funny stuff was kind of edited out because I figured the original wouldn't see the light of day...not that this one will.)

I just finished reading "We're Not a Real City." I hadn't realized, until now, that the author is also the likely recipient of Letters to the Editor, but since I'm sure you're open to dissenting opinions, here goes!

What a misguided, pessimistic article. You can bend things to any (in this case, distorted) perspective, but Mr. Sebelius, what's the benefit of bashing the town where you yourself appear to live? Is this argument supposed to inspire people to change these things?

I think my take more accurately reflect the perspective of most of the people who live here...who love this town as I do.

>we're America's fattest city

Being fat should be a source of pride! Throughout the ages, having some heft has signified prosperity and affluence. We're surrounded by abundance (translation: myriad all-you-can-eat buffets) and that's a bad thing? Fat people are jolly! I love being surrounded by jolly people, each and every day.

>highest teen pregnancy rate in the country

Again, you can say this is a bad thing, but we should ask teenage BOYS what they think about this statistic! In the town where I grew up, we could only dream of having girls who were this open to new experiences.

>fifth highest for teen abortion

Uh, hello. Kinda makes that stat about teen pregnancy a non-issue, huh? I say we go for number one next year. To me, this says "Opportunity." More jobs for doctors, nurses, counselors and those idiots who protest outside abortion clinics. It's called a robust job market! And that's bad, how?

>number seven for bankruptcy filings

I'm not fan of people filing bankruptcy, but I'm not too sure this should be added to the list of problems with Nevada. Filing bankruptcy is one option in people taking control of their finances and starting anew. And that, to me, is what Las Vegas and Nevada symbolize: The chance for a new beginning. You can put a negative spin on anything, but I prefer to see bankruptcy as a strong statement that someone is dealing with their transgressions or bad luck, and taking the necessary steps to begin again.

>we lead the nation in foreclosures

One person's foreclosure is another's windfall! Who, if they know anything about real estate, thinks that foreclosures are anything but an opportunity to buy low (with a nearly foolproof chance to sell high in the very near future)? Foreclosures mean it's a buyer's market, and in Las Vegas, there's a chance for ordinary people to really make a killing during a recovering market. So, people got into situations they didn't fully understand. Why dwell on the negative aspects of this soon-to-be-forgotten downturn in the market. It's nowhere but up from here, and to me, that's great news.

>led the nation in unchecked, unplanned growth for almost every year of the last two decades

Are you kidding?! It's entirely subjective to say the growth is "unchecked" or "unplanned." What's fact, however, is the other part of his statement. We have, indeed, led the nation in growth for almost every year of the last two decades. That is a remarkable achievement! Growth. Opportunity. Prosperity. There's just no getting around the fact that this city is dynamic and has almost universal appeal, both for individuals and businesses. People flock to Las Vegas because it's an amazing city! It would be even more amazing if we didn't have to put up with "journalists" as ill-informed as this writer, but hey, we're also a city that accommodates dissenting voices, no matter how misguided they are.

>fifth most depressed state...and we have the second-highest rate of suicide

Yeah, I wonder if that has anything to do with people being endlessly fed stories in the media (including local newspapers and their online counterparts) that babble on endlessly about what's wrong with the world. Hmm.

>we use prescription painkillers at twice the national average

I have never, ever once heard any thinking person complain about an above-average availability of prescription painkillers. Ridiculous! People in less fortunate states are clamoring for prescription medications, often going to great lengths to acquire them. Not in Nevada. Here, we're truly feeling no pain. Again, what kind of convoluted thinking can twist that into something unappealing? I don't get it.

>We found out recently that we rank low (45th out of the 50 states) on the Milken Institute State Technology and Science Index. This is mostly due to the fact that our education system isn't producing graduates who can go to work for high-tech firms.

I have no idea what that index is, or what it's intended to prove, but who, exactly, thinks having a higher population of nerds in one's state is a positive quality for a state? Let's see. What demographic would we rather have as residents? Strippers or computer nerds. Let me think. Come on! You can keep your Ted, Ascential DataStage TX Developer. I'd rather live next to a Candi or Raven, Hospitality Expert and Lap Manager any day.

>While our No. 1 industry pays taxes on the money it wins, other businesses pay nothing on their gross income.

First of all "No." isn't capitalized in this context. Number two, in journalistic writing, we spell out numbers one through nine, and use numerals for 10 and above. But beyond the obvious grammatical issues, our ever-optimistic writer once again frames something great as "negative." How in the world does the phrase "not paying taxes" get into an essay about why a state sucks? Not surprisingly, the article fails to mention that Nevada has no personal income tax. I suppose that's one of the downsides of living here, too. Just like the almost constant sunshine, the pristine golf courses and the chance to win $200 million with a quarter.

>why should businesses pay taxes when our governor doesn't, pressuring a rural assessor to say his land was agricultural (taxes, $15) more than residential (taxes, $5,000)?

Hey, you say "pressure," I say "persuade." I don't know about you, but I'd seriously question one's ability to govern if that person didn't try to manage their money in a way what was actually, oh, I don't know, smart. I like the idea that my Governor is being wise with his money. This is still America. We are supposed to admire people (and leaders) who are prudent with their money, people who network and have the ability to persuade. I don't actually know if the Governor's land is agricultural or residential. Does this writer? Does it matter? He just figures every silver lining has a gray cloud, so I'm not sure the facts matter. Very sad, and more than a little irresponsible.

>casinos killed a bill that would have taxed comped meals, but the state's fund to buy textbooks was cut in half

First of all, I loved that "Kill Bill" movie. Second of all, the statement about taxing comped meals and textbooks is maybe the dumbest leap in illogic in all of recorded history. What in the world does one thing have to do with the other? Listen, if you tax something, it's not a comp anymore. One of the fundamental building blocks of this town is comps. You get rid of those, and no amount of funds for textbooks is going to keep the Vegas economy strong. Stop bashing the casinos! Businesses are supposed to advocate things that actually help them thrive and grow. Should the casinos have advocated taxing comped meals? Just plain dopey. And saying that taxing comped meals somehow corresponds to fewer textbooks, well, I can't begin to say how loopy that is. Implying causality is, again, irresponsible, and undermines any credibility these opinions have in the first place.

>And that legacy continues, in the form of things such as the Yucca Mountain project, which our state's congressional delegation was too weak to stop back when other states were stricken from the list of dump sites.

The spewing of half-facts and outlandish opinions continues. Far be it from this writer to actually talk to people in the areas around Yucca Mountain who are set to reap great benefits from the project, as are we all. Jobs and more jobs. An influx of business and commerce and government cash. Gosh, I wonder if any of that cash, resulting from the Yucca Mountain project, might actually pay for, gasp, textbooks! You can call it a "dump site," but only if you have a bent view of reality, one where waste magically turns into pixie dust. What would happen if someone suddenly applauded our leaders for landing this sweet deal? Naw, not as much fun as bashing, right?

>Don't forget that four former Clark County Commissioners--a voting majority!--are currently in prison for bribe-taking, bribe-offering and the like.

Way to give a backhanded compliment to Nevada's legal system and law enforcement.

>What about building a culture, a real city here?

What a lame, tired, weak, irrelevant question. I'm so sick of hearing people ask this. They're in the minority, and here's my answer. We do have a culture. It's just not one that conforms to what you consider culture, Mr. Sebelius. What, you want more ballet? Because you love ballet so much? And how many times a month would this writer hit the opera, I wonder? Just stop asking this dumb question and do one of two things: Participate in the fun, diverse and endless culture we have or move somewhere else. It's just so easy. (Guess which one I'm hoping this article's writer will do.)

>Visitors come to cut loose and have Bacchanalian weekends they could never get away with at home

This guy should work for the Chamber of Commerce. How is all this bad again?

>We produce nothing, except perhaps the illusion of having a good time.

And this, I think, is the crux of things. It's not an illusion. People actually have a good time here. And if you tried a little, Mr. Sebelius, you might, too. You'd see all that's great about this city. It's unparalleled, spectacular and rare. There's simply no place like it on Earth. You can look at all the bad things. And dwell and complain. Or you can get out from behind that keyboard and have some fun. Whining is certainly one way to spend one's time. But I'd rather have a cocktail with friends, take in some Cirque, hang out in a dog park, take photos of neon or the Luxor light, relax by a sparkling pool or play a little craps.

I love this town. And it doesn't take much looking to see a lot to love.