Sunday, August 31, 2008

Woody and I Are Through

I held out as long as I could, but Woody and I are through. I went to see "Vicky Christina Barcelona" last night. Oy.

It's hard to put one's finger on why Woody's movies suck so much these days. There's been this string of just bad movies, and yet he still churns them out, and I keep watching them, holding out some hope that there will be a glimmer of something I once admired.

Woody Allen was always one of my heroes (the movie maker part, not the other part). But now I have to let it go. This movie just has nothing much going on. I was bored 10 minutes in, and I stuck around because I'd heard about the "amazing" performance by Penelope Cruz. It's not amazing. Nothing is. It's not funny. It's not dramatic.

The movie's getting good reviews, and I suspect that's from Woody fans who still hold out hope that he might actually make a movie to love again. But it's not going to happen. The goodwill is all used up with flubs like "Scoop, "Match Point," "Melinda and Melinda," "Anything Else," "Curse of the Jade Scorpion," "Small Time Crooks," "Celebrity," etc.

In the case of Woody Allen, "complete creative control" has suddenly become a really bad thing.

So, you're being cut loose, Woody. It's admirable that you make a movie a year, but maybe it's time to make a GOOD movie every five years.

I'm done hoping that you'll someday decide to just do what you used to be the best at. I suspect you don't because, sadly, you just can't. Stevie Wonder can't write another "Songs in the Key of Life." Gary Marshall simply doesn't have another "Pretty Woman" in him. There's never going to be another "Purple Rain" for Prince.

Sometimes you just have to let go.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

An Amazing E-Mail

When I was in college, I had a story published in the University of Hawaii's literary magazine, the "Hawaii Review."



It was the only short story I'd ever submitted, anywhere, so I was pleased to see it was included. It's fairly short, so if you're bored, take a look.

Warning: The story has the "n" word in it. It's used for what I believe was a legitimate purpose in the context of the story, but you don't see that word in print all that often, probably for good reason. Anyway, none of this is the real point of this post.

The point is that I got an e-mail today. Out of the blue. And this is what it said.

"Hi, Scott. Believe it or not, I represent ancient history at UH, and have been using your short story, Bob the Alien, for 20 years in the classroom. I use it to teach voice and tone. It looks like things are going really well for you! Congrats! Thanks again for a real GEM! Frances."

This is simply one of the most remarkable e-mails I, or anyone, could ever receive. Frances teaches in the English and Language Arts department at a school in Delaware.

I don't get moved much. But this moved me. It's not only a great feeling to know that my work has been out there, possibly helping kids learn to write or express themselves. I'm also touched that this teacher would take the time to find me, presumably via the Web, and let me know about the impact my story has had.

Yay, again, Interwebs. With another "yay" thrown in for literary magazines, just for good measure.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Forgive Me

I know. It's cute overload. But I believe that children are the future. Teach them well, and they will surely not be able to contribute enough to the Social Security system to make a damn bit of difference when we retire. Sigh.



Sorry, Jen! (Not loving kid photos at the moment. I promise to never post one again!



D'oh!



Uh, double d'oh?

Hey, these are NOT kids!







Tired of flowers? Hey, I aim to please!



Yay, colors.

Yeah, again, probably a kid.

A Letter

Dear Alanis,

This probably isn't considered ironic either.

Best,
Scott

Today's Kid

Today's Image I Like



Camera held at shin level. One of three shots. Yes, there's another with his whole face, but I like this one best.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I'll Be Seein' Ya

Thank gawd I look good in orange, cause I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of time before I'm gonna be put away for good.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Cute Unleashed

More photos from this weekend.





Almost makes you not want to poke fun at people who choose to have children. Almost.

Weekend Excursion

Took a little jaunt to Hermosa Beach (that's in California for you Canadians and heavy drinkers) this weekend. Friends had tons of kids, so now you get photos! (Hey, if someone goes to Vermont, you get pictures of cows. This time, it's kids.)



This is further proof that great photography often has little to nothing to do with the photographer. More to come!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Some Things in Life

Some things in life are inevitable. That doesn't make them any less brilliant.



Not that it matters too much, but it should be pointed out that this is apparently a scene from a movie. I won't give the name, because of the impending suckage. Thanks for the tip, Brandon. It was just a bit too perfect.

Note: She's Not Real

Ready to have your mind blown? And see how I've matured? Because I'm not making any reference to all the myriad jokes that "mind blowing" could inspire? See?

Anyway, check this video out. This woman is not real. CGI. Holy cow.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Get Out of MY Town

So, today a friend forwards an article that pretty much just bashes the town I love, Las Vegas. At first I thought this was just some jerkwad freelancer spouting in an impotent attempt to get a little ink. Then I found out the "writer" is actually the editor of this publication. Wow. Gotta love the editor of a publication that covers Las Vegas having such a clear bias about that very town.

Well, it ain't like me to not come to the defense of my baby. So, here's my letter to the editor. (The mean-funny stuff was kind of edited out because I figured the original wouldn't see the light of day...not that this one will.)

I just finished reading "We're Not a Real City." I hadn't realized, until now, that the author is also the likely recipient of Letters to the Editor, but since I'm sure you're open to dissenting opinions, here goes!

What a misguided, pessimistic article. You can bend things to any (in this case, distorted) perspective, but Mr. Sebelius, what's the benefit of bashing the town where you yourself appear to live? Is this argument supposed to inspire people to change these things?

I think my take more accurately reflect the perspective of most of the people who live here...who love this town as I do.

>we're America's fattest city

Being fat should be a source of pride! Throughout the ages, having some heft has signified prosperity and affluence. We're surrounded by abundance (translation: myriad all-you-can-eat buffets) and that's a bad thing? Fat people are jolly! I love being surrounded by jolly people, each and every day.

>highest teen pregnancy rate in the country

Again, you can say this is a bad thing, but we should ask teenage BOYS what they think about this statistic! In the town where I grew up, we could only dream of having girls who were this open to new experiences.

>fifth highest for teen abortion

Uh, hello. Kinda makes that stat about teen pregnancy a non-issue, huh? I say we go for number one next year. To me, this says "Opportunity." More jobs for doctors, nurses, counselors and those idiots who protest outside abortion clinics. It's called a robust job market! And that's bad, how?

>number seven for bankruptcy filings

I'm not fan of people filing bankruptcy, but I'm not too sure this should be added to the list of problems with Nevada. Filing bankruptcy is one option in people taking control of their finances and starting anew. And that, to me, is what Las Vegas and Nevada symbolize: The chance for a new beginning. You can put a negative spin on anything, but I prefer to see bankruptcy as a strong statement that someone is dealing with their transgressions or bad luck, and taking the necessary steps to begin again.

>we lead the nation in foreclosures

One person's foreclosure is another's windfall! Who, if they know anything about real estate, thinks that foreclosures are anything but an opportunity to buy low (with a nearly foolproof chance to sell high in the very near future)? Foreclosures mean it's a buyer's market, and in Las Vegas, there's a chance for ordinary people to really make a killing during a recovering market. So, people got into situations they didn't fully understand. Why dwell on the negative aspects of this soon-to-be-forgotten downturn in the market. It's nowhere but up from here, and to me, that's great news.

>led the nation in unchecked, unplanned growth for almost every year of the last two decades

Are you kidding?! It's entirely subjective to say the growth is "unchecked" or "unplanned." What's fact, however, is the other part of his statement. We have, indeed, led the nation in growth for almost every year of the last two decades. That is a remarkable achievement! Growth. Opportunity. Prosperity. There's just no getting around the fact that this city is dynamic and has almost universal appeal, both for individuals and businesses. People flock to Las Vegas because it's an amazing city! It would be even more amazing if we didn't have to put up with "journalists" as ill-informed as this writer, but hey, we're also a city that accommodates dissenting voices, no matter how misguided they are.

>fifth most depressed state...and we have the second-highest rate of suicide

Yeah, I wonder if that has anything to do with people being endlessly fed stories in the media (including local newspapers and their online counterparts) that babble on endlessly about what's wrong with the world. Hmm.

>we use prescription painkillers at twice the national average

I have never, ever once heard any thinking person complain about an above-average availability of prescription painkillers. Ridiculous! People in less fortunate states are clamoring for prescription medications, often going to great lengths to acquire them. Not in Nevada. Here, we're truly feeling no pain. Again, what kind of convoluted thinking can twist that into something unappealing? I don't get it.

>We found out recently that we rank low (45th out of the 50 states) on the Milken Institute State Technology and Science Index. This is mostly due to the fact that our education system isn't producing graduates who can go to work for high-tech firms.

I have no idea what that index is, or what it's intended to prove, but who, exactly, thinks having a higher population of nerds in one's state is a positive quality for a state? Let's see. What demographic would we rather have as residents? Strippers or computer nerds. Let me think. Come on! You can keep your Ted, Ascential DataStage TX Developer. I'd rather live next to a Candi or Raven, Hospitality Expert and Lap Manager any day.

>While our No. 1 industry pays taxes on the money it wins, other businesses pay nothing on their gross income.

First of all "No." isn't capitalized in this context. Number two, in journalistic writing, we spell out numbers one through nine, and use numerals for 10 and above. But beyond the obvious grammatical issues, our ever-optimistic writer once again frames something great as "negative." How in the world does the phrase "not paying taxes" get into an essay about why a state sucks? Not surprisingly, the article fails to mention that Nevada has no personal income tax. I suppose that's one of the downsides of living here, too. Just like the almost constant sunshine, the pristine golf courses and the chance to win $200 million with a quarter.

>why should businesses pay taxes when our governor doesn't, pressuring a rural assessor to say his land was agricultural (taxes, $15) more than residential (taxes, $5,000)?

Hey, you say "pressure," I say "persuade." I don't know about you, but I'd seriously question one's ability to govern if that person didn't try to manage their money in a way what was actually, oh, I don't know, smart. I like the idea that my Governor is being wise with his money. This is still America. We are supposed to admire people (and leaders) who are prudent with their money, people who network and have the ability to persuade. I don't actually know if the Governor's land is agricultural or residential. Does this writer? Does it matter? He just figures every silver lining has a gray cloud, so I'm not sure the facts matter. Very sad, and more than a little irresponsible.

>casinos killed a bill that would have taxed comped meals, but the state's fund to buy textbooks was cut in half

First of all, I loved that "Kill Bill" movie. Second of all, the statement about taxing comped meals and textbooks is maybe the dumbest leap in illogic in all of recorded history. What in the world does one thing have to do with the other? Listen, if you tax something, it's not a comp anymore. One of the fundamental building blocks of this town is comps. You get rid of those, and no amount of funds for textbooks is going to keep the Vegas economy strong. Stop bashing the casinos! Businesses are supposed to advocate things that actually help them thrive and grow. Should the casinos have advocated taxing comped meals? Just plain dopey. And saying that taxing comped meals somehow corresponds to fewer textbooks, well, I can't begin to say how loopy that is. Implying causality is, again, irresponsible, and undermines any credibility these opinions have in the first place.

>And that legacy continues, in the form of things such as the Yucca Mountain project, which our state's congressional delegation was too weak to stop back when other states were stricken from the list of dump sites.

The spewing of half-facts and outlandish opinions continues. Far be it from this writer to actually talk to people in the areas around Yucca Mountain who are set to reap great benefits from the project, as are we all. Jobs and more jobs. An influx of business and commerce and government cash. Gosh, I wonder if any of that cash, resulting from the Yucca Mountain project, might actually pay for, gasp, textbooks! You can call it a "dump site," but only if you have a bent view of reality, one where waste magically turns into pixie dust. What would happen if someone suddenly applauded our leaders for landing this sweet deal? Naw, not as much fun as bashing, right?

>Don't forget that four former Clark County Commissioners--a voting majority!--are currently in prison for bribe-taking, bribe-offering and the like.

Way to give a backhanded compliment to Nevada's legal system and law enforcement.

>What about building a culture, a real city here?

What a lame, tired, weak, irrelevant question. I'm so sick of hearing people ask this. They're in the minority, and here's my answer. We do have a culture. It's just not one that conforms to what you consider culture, Mr. Sebelius. What, you want more ballet? Because you love ballet so much? And how many times a month would this writer hit the opera, I wonder? Just stop asking this dumb question and do one of two things: Participate in the fun, diverse and endless culture we have or move somewhere else. It's just so easy. (Guess which one I'm hoping this article's writer will do.)

>Visitors come to cut loose and have Bacchanalian weekends they could never get away with at home

This guy should work for the Chamber of Commerce. How is all this bad again?

>We produce nothing, except perhaps the illusion of having a good time.

And this, I think, is the crux of things. It's not an illusion. People actually have a good time here. And if you tried a little, Mr. Sebelius, you might, too. You'd see all that's great about this city. It's unparalleled, spectacular and rare. There's simply no place like it on Earth. You can look at all the bad things. And dwell and complain. Or you can get out from behind that keyboard and have some fun. Whining is certainly one way to spend one's time. But I'd rather have a cocktail with friends, take in some Cirque, hang out in a dog park, take photos of neon or the Luxor light, relax by a sparkling pool or play a little craps.

I love this town. And it doesn't take much looking to see a lot to love.

What I Did Tonight

Hey, I've spent nights of my life doing much less productive things. Probably.



Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Joys of Being Angry

Some days, don't you wake up thinking, "Hey, I'm not mad enough"? Well, I have a sure-fired remedy!

I just finished a double-feature, courtesy of Netflix, and I have to say I'm significantly more angry than I was before watching these movies.

First up, "Who Killed the Electic Car?" Ah, the joys of big auto doing its best to kill off any possibility of weening ourselves off foreign oil.

Second in the line-up, "Why We Fight." This film is one of the most thought-provoking films I've ever seen, and does a great job of having a perspective, without flaunting it's agenda. Make of the facts what you will, but it's hard to avoid some conclusions that baffle and anger.

One of the themes in "Why We Fight" has to do with America's ongoing pattern of using our military might to pursue our self-interest. I'm all about self-interest, but recent events really make one think about our occasional (some would say frequent) hypocrisy. We invade Iqaq, then when Russia moves into Georgia, our leaders, even at the highest, start huffing and puffing about the fact that the world is a different place now, that nations cannot just impose their military might on other nations, and certainly can't invade other countries without provocation.

Oops. You kind wonder where we got that "arrogant" tag, huh?

These films will really get you going. Getting a handle on what drives our militarism isn't an easy task, and it leaves you feeling a bit powerless when you realize this pattern transcends individuals and administrations.

Prominent in "Why We Fight" is the farewell speech by Eisenhower, which included these amazing (and widely ignored or forgotten) words: "In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together."

Does a little thing called the Roman Empire ring any bells?

Very. Funny. Movie.

Believe the hype about "Tropic Thunder." From the first jarring surprise, to the last wacky dance, this movie is just plain original and funny.

Maybe even more unlikely, it's daring. There's so much political incorrectness, it's actually startling, and you almost cringe at the parts you can't believe are actually unfolding before you. We don't live in a time when writers and actors and directors are this fearless. Just about everything is watered down, and every movie company is terrified that segments of its audience will be offended. Well, this one goes to great lengths to ignore the possibility of offense. Amazing given the very vocal groups likely to condemn this movie.

There's a lot of talent involved in "Tropic Thunder." But that's never a guarantee of anything. Great creative teams have often turned out utter pus-filled piles of dung. This would not be a pile of dung.

One of the most fun things about this movie is that it pokes fun of the movies, and the people that make movies. There are a ton of inside jokes, but they don't slow down the pace one bit.

The only sour note of the evening wasn't related to this movie. Those f-ing marketing people and their f-ing trailers are f-ing ruining movies for everyone! I always wait until well after the movie's official starting time before I go into the theater, because I want to make sure to NOT see the trailers, but I saw two tonight, and I'm quite sure they will have ruined the two movies being promoted. There has GOT to be a way to market movies without giving away so many key plot points! Grrr.

Oh, well. Let's stay focused on the good things in life. Things like Robert Downey Jr. deserving an Oscar nomination this year. Which will never, ever happen of course, unless it's for that superhero movie, which will also never happen.

See "Tropic Thunder." I'm an Internet Comedy Icon, so my opinion means more than most. And that's the story I'm sticking to.

Ah, Youth

Sometimes, we're reminded of what it was like to have almost no cares in our lives. No bills. No drama. No jobs. It was a time when we could laugh and smile without concern for what people thought of our laugh or smile. We just were. Eh, enough with the pining. Here's a shot of my nephew Brandon!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

WTF Were They Thinking?

Hey, I live in the world of e-mail marketing, so I definitely understand that things are going to slip through the cracks when you're dealing as much with quantity (and frequency) as you are with quality. But this item is beyond the pale. Check out this e-mail that was sent out by (Harrah's competitor) MGM Grand.



I have NO CLUE what they were trying to say. Shakedown?! (Definition: Extortion, as by blackmail or threats of violence.) Shakedown might not be the best word use for a gaming destination.

Or maybe that's just me.

What I Believe

I believe the Olympics should be a time to reflect.

I believe the Olympics are an opportunity for us all, all of humanity, to realize that we are capable of joining together to achieve one common goal. Specifically, the goal of not giving a rat's ass about sports.

Come on, humanity, let's unite in this one lofty, but supremely attainable, quest!

Start not caring now! Yay, anything but sports, yay!

No, really. You're the best in the world...at ping-pong. Get. A. Job.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Life Doesn't Have to Be So Complicated

We really do a lot to complicate our lives, don't we?

Life doesn't happen to us. It just feels that way sometimes. But we make our lives happen. If you believe that's the case, then it's much easier to see that dilemmas in our lives are, in the vast majority of cases, the results of actions we ourselves take. Kind of puts us on the hook doesn't it?

I was thinking about this today because a blogger I follow used the word "antidisestablishmentarianism." Thankfully, she used it as part of a joke, but it reminded me that we often go out of our way to complicate our lives, even when we don't need to. That word sounds big, but actually, it's just a way of saying that someone doesn't believe in the idea that establishments should be dismantled. Pretty straightforward.

Then why do we insist on doing things that make life appear so complicated? We schedule activities every day of the week, then have nervous breakdowns because we can't keep up with our obligations. We run up our credit cards, then wonder where all our money's going each month (it's called interest, and it makes your purchases cost 20% or more than the price you see on the tag). We chase having more money as a goal, then we bemoan the burdens of work pressures and dips in the stock market.

We seem to have an endless number of ways to complicate our lives. I'm a big fan of simplification. Once we're aware of what we're setting in motion (and that we set everything in motion in the first place), we're much less likely to create lives filled with complications.

More Than Software

It's impossible to overstate how Photoshop has changed the world. And that's especially true for the world of photography. Case in point, this image I nabbed from a wedding photographer's site today. (The guy's name is Becker, and he is one of the movers and shakers in the wedding photography world.)



The shot is fine. Shot on a farm or something, in a field. Maybe some crop that was recently harvested. But it looks like dead grass to me.

So, of course, I had to take a stab at goosing it up a bit.



Sorry, but I just think lush, green grass makes this photo really zing.

Photoshop isn't just software. It's kind of miracley.

Olympic Fever

The Olympics are in full swing. I would love to hear your opinion on the Olympics, but I can't because my ears are full of my own yawning.

All I know is I just have to get me one of them there super swimming suits.

Just posted some Olympic condom ads on Dribbleglass.com, "The Internet's Official Humor Site)." Enjoy.





Bonus points if you can figure out how to get rid of that box around my TM here in Blogger. It's less funny with a box.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Friday, August 8, 2008

Ah, Captain

To paraphrase Homer Simpson, "Ah, Captain. The source of, and answer to, all of life's problems."

Curious

Why is it that even with the advent of the Internet, and thousands of blogs, and a million people communicating in ways we never imagined, and having a reach we never imagined, that there appear to be just about the same number of good, new ideas that there always were?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

What the Holy Hell?

This is beyond great. No explanation needed. Humans are just really, really special. (Dolphins are SO laughing at us behind our backs.)

A Clue I Am Without

Here's another item from Vermont. I have no idea why some images capture my fancy. Oh, and please avoid telling people I have a "fancy."



Now, this time, I know what caught my fancy. I love candy. Candy at an actual country store is even better.



Love those colors! Had a bit of help from some Photoshop actions from my buddy Michael Andrew. ("Actions" automate steps in recent versions of Photoshop.) Michael is a great photographer, and an inspirational instructor. Check out his site, and take a look at his Lollipops actions.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Yep, This is Mine

At the risk of crossing completely into the realm of "photo blog," I present my latest piece of merchandise at Cafe Press, tailor made for photography buffs.





Heh-heh. "Buffs."

Another Old Thing

I enjoyed Vermont for many reasons, at least one of which was the old stuff.



I like Las Vegas because things are new, but new things don't help us harken. I'm big on harkening.

Oh, and a critter.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Friday, August 1, 2008

A Big Reason to Love Vermont

Here's today's photo from Vermont!



Ah, Al's. Al's has about the best creemees on Earth. What is a creemee, you ask? I guess some people might call it "soft serve ice cream," but in Vermont, they call a creemee. I call it heaven.

I pretty much ate creemees non-stop while I was in Vermont. I didn't much veer from vanilla. Simply delicious.

Let us pray: "Dear, sweet Jesus. If you do, in fact, reside in the heavens, please make sure heaven has a creemee stand when I get there, otherwise I'm going back to thinking heaven is just a big, made-up bunch of poop."



Ladies and gentleman, so captivated was I by creemees, that I went to buy merchandise on CafePress that bore messages related to creemees, and GASP, a search under "creemees" provided NO results! There are almost no words in the English language that give no results on CafePress!

Well, I did something about that. I give you the SOLE search result for "creemees" on CafePress. Mine.

"Dear Jesus. What is the matter with me?" I await your answer.