Sunday, June 29, 2008

Happy, Happy

Well, I survived my birthday. Only seven more to go! (If I give up the drinking and the gambling. Uh, yeah, make it five more to go.)

The family had a little party in my honor, providing me the opportunity to once again shove a giant camera into the faces of loved ones. And relatives, too.

This is nephew Brandon.



This is my niece Lexy.



This is my very photogenic sister Patty.



This is my nephew Luke. Trouble is his middle AND last name.



Of course, I can't leave out J. He's so much trouble, they don't even have a name for it.



It was a great birthday day. Or week, actually. I would like it to be a birthday season. Mostly because I like clothes I don't have to pick out, cookies I don't have to bake, videos of dolphins I don't have to return to a library, and all the other trappings of birthdays.

Sure, old sucks, but I guess it's part of the deal.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Calendar Girl

For you kids, "Calendar Girl" was a big hit for Neil Sedaka, a singer. In fact, the first concert I ever went to was a Neil Sedaka concert. Sigh. Yeah, this getting older thing sucks testes.

Anyway, our friend Jen is now, officially, a calendar girl! Usually, I would not risk life and limb by posting a photo of a woman in a provocative pose in my blog, but I post the following for two reasons: 1) it's Jen, and 2) I took the photo!



This is a calendar catering to the skeptic crowd, hence the plethora of iconic bad luck symbols. (The site that puts it together and offers it resides here.) I'm not exactly what being a skeptic entails, but I know it's much better than the alternatives.

Congratulations, Jen! You make exploitation look good! Hork.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Wishes

My friend Matt made a funny video! Check it out. The whole family got involved. I suspect this was to avoid having to pay the SAG rate for child actors.

Today's Pics

This weekend was great for a number of reasons. There was great food. There was Captain Morgan. There were foot rubs. There was blackjack. And I did spent most of the weekend with the most beautiful woman in the world, so that helped make the weekend great, too. There were lots of great things.

Today, a pretty great thing involved taking a studio lighting workshop. I can't say I learned a lot, but it was really great hanging out with other photography nerds, everyone spending WAY too much time talking about apertures and shutter speeds and histograms and such.

We got to shoot several models, on several sets. It was a great chance to shoot using bigtime professional lighting equipment, as well as a chance to whip out all my recently acquired Photoshop skills. Here's a before and after of one of the models.



Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't post a shot of a dude model, too.



The third model of the day didn't like chairs, or smiles. She did like noserings, however. I do not. Yay, Photoshop!

Now, That One Stings

George Carlin passed away today. He was one of the greats.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Dave's Still Got It

My old friend, dear friend, Dave Barry is still the funniest writer around. I greatly enjoyed this article about a medical procedure all us guys await with great anticipation. Thanks to my other dear friend Jerry for sending this one along.

My favorite passage, so to speak:

"MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic here but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet."

One of My Favorites

This is one of my favorite shots ever.

Symmetricality

I'm sometimes intrigued by how lopsided my face seems. This has, over time, resulted in me being the most arrogant insecure person ever. Long story.

Anyway, I was reading that our society values symmetry in one's face, and most beautiful people have faces that are much more symmetrical than the rest of us. Jerks.

So, I took a photo of me, and used Photoshop to "flip" half of my face, thus giving me a photo of normal me, and two other versions of me that are symmetrical. It's like I'm three people! Which I've always suspected. There's the nice me, the mean me and the me that likes zombies a lot.



I would enjoy seeing a photo of your symmetrical face. If you'd like, you can send me a photo of you, and I will either 1) show you your symmetrical selves or 2) turn you into a zombie. Either way, we'll all be highly entertained. (Actual results may vary.)

I Smell a Lawsuit

Right here.

One to Ponder

This, I Enjoyed

A Special Place in Hell

I know this kind of goes against what I espouse most of the time, but some days I really hope there's a Hell. Because certain people need to have a place to go when they die.

Yay, Naps!

What, I have to repeat myself? Yay, naps.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Friday, June 13, 2008

Now We're Getting Somewhere

Well, I'm a step closer to getting my trademark for Dribbleglass.com's rightful claim to be called "The Internet's Official Humor Site."

The most recent edition of the official Trademark Office gazette publication (slogan: "Your Halcion Alternative, Dozing Offwise) included notice of my intention to use this phrase in my vast marketing endeavors. The listing follows herewith.



Purpose: None.

Possible rewards: None.

Fun: Much.

Coolness: Off the chart.

Douchey McDouchebag

Wow. The Marines recently handed down their firm but fair punishment of the "soldiers" who videotaped a guy throwing a puppy over a cliff, presumably to its death.

Here's what's up with the main jerkwad puppy killer, Lance Cpl. David Montari:

"Lance Cpl. David Motari, based in Hawaii with the 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, is being 'processed for separation' and received non-judicial punishment, officials said. The Marine Corps would not specify what that punishment was because of privacy regulations."

This is what the alleged marine said about the incident:

"I want to clear somethings up before tomarrow. This might be hard to believe but I am sorry about the dog. At the time I just really didn't care. When you are constantly under fire sometimes people develope a different sence of humor than what others are used to. That video was from over a year ago and i dont know who put it out there but it wasn't me. It has been a real hard day. I don't know how they got my information but someone got all my information and i had to disconnect my parents and my girlfriends phone. not to mention i had to redo my myspace because it got hacked. I just want this to end." And: "What, you expect me to carry a stray sick dog from patrol 10+ miles back to camp with me. Did you know that we're not supposed to have dogs? Did you know that there isn't medicine available for animals out there? So what the f-ck do you want me to do with it. It was going to die a slow and horrible death. Sorry you guys saw that, but it wasn't supposed to ever been shown. Usually what happens is we shoot them. I was being "creative" that day and decided to throw the dog instead. If i could take it back, I would. Either way, I did the dog a favor. Sorry if you can't understand that...Look, you guys didn't know that the dog was sick and starving by the road. I was helping it. That dog was going to die anyways."

So, here's my message to David Motari. [For my more delicate readers, mildly strong language ahead.]

You fricking a-hole puppy killer. You really just don't get it. You won't get it "tomarrow" or any day thereafter, either. You are a ruthless, heartless scumbag. If an animal truly was in a condition that couldn't be helped, and had to be put down, you cannot be so stupid as to think there's no difference between a clean, humane shot to the head and hurling an animal through the air to its (possible) death.

I honestly don't give a crap if you're claiming this was in some way battle fatigue-related. That is lamer than a serial killer saying they had to kill because God told him to. We're fighting a war to try and stamp out those who are brutal and violent and who don't place any value on life, even their own in many cases. You're being "separated" from the Marines? Your head should be separated from your body, you callous, clueless jackass. You're actually asking what the "f-uck" would we want you to do? We'd have liked you to die, jackass. That's what we'd have liked you to do.

At what point does anyone's "sence of humor" justify, even remotely, cruelty to a defenseless animal? Ever. "It has been a real hard day." Are you kidding me? Has anyone thrown you over a cliff today, you mouth-breathing, addle-brained human-shaped tumor?

Enjoy your slap on the wrist, Douchey McDouchebag. There are decent and compassionate people fighting and dying for our country just about every day in the military. You, on the other hand, are a disgrace to any uniform, even the McDonald's uniform you'll soon be wearing you steaming, fetid, illiterate, bile-breathed eater of mucus.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Curling Up With a Good Interwebs

I keep telling people I don't read books anymore, and they're always surprised. "You're a professional writer. Of course you read." Well, I do, yes. A lot. But I don't read books, and I can't remember the last time I read a book from cover to cover.

This article makes some interesting points. It's quite possible that how we think is changing over time, especially us folks who spend many of our waking hours online.

I am what I would call, and as the article calls it, a "power browser."

Confession: I didn't actually make it through the entire article. I had an IM, two e-mails, and 14,000 more Web pages to scan. But I think I got the gist of it.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

What I Don't Need to Be

I don't need to be young. I don't need to be tanned. I don't need to have my teeth whitened. I don't need to take care of myself. Because, after all, I have Photoshop.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Fortune Cookie Happy Time

Well, it's been awhile, but I actually posted some original items on Dribbleglass.com.



Join me for some hilarity by clicking here, won't we?

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Today's Factoid

According to medical researchers, the part of the brain that can detect sarcasm is the right parahippocampal gyrus.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Yay, Fame

Fame must be great, what with never waiting for a table at restaurants, and the having over of other famous people as guests. And fame must really be fun after your 12,000th time hearing, "Hey, Robin, can I get a picture with you?" Yay, fame.

Today's Movie Review

I saw that "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." I'd give it a B, and I'd also like to suggest that the next sequel be called, "Indiana Jones and the Search for Black People." I watched, I counted. Twenty billion CGI ants, zero brothers. I'm just saying.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Hey, Batter Batter

Thirteenth rule of photography: Some kids are WAY too serious about sports. Not so much a photography rule as it is a sad fact of life.

A Portrait

Sixth rule of photography: There is simply no way to take a bad picture of an affable, elderly black man.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

My Definition of Hell

If there is a Hell, mine will involve having to change out my primary hard drive. Plain and simple. Rebuilding, one step at a time. Sigh.