Wednesday, December 9, 2009

If It's Torn From the Headlines...

If it's torn from the headlines, it only has to be 34% as funny!

Glaciologist spots huge iceberg off Australia. Apparently, Nicole Kidman lost her GPS.

Petraeus says Afghan war will be harder before it gets easier. Wars. Why do they have to be so hard, anyway?

Some concerned about how atheists cope with Xmas. Xmas is as much about religion as Tiger Woods coverage is about golf.

Pay hike fosters uptick in Afghan army recruits. Being Afghani just fosters ticks.

Smoking kills five million every year. Even worse, it annoys me.

Mounting research suggests germs may be good for you. Tee-hee. They said "mounting."

Historic EPA finding: Greenhouse gases harm humans. Other breaking news: Israelis, Palestinians not real fond of each other.

Poor nations angry over climate papers. Oh, yeah, and the starvation thing.

U.S. offers to pay Native Americans for lost funds. Response, "We'd prefer an apology for Costner's 'Dances With Wolves' acting."

College degrees more expensive, worth less in job market. Beer pong and casual sex apparently no longer in-demand skills.

Average American consumes 34GB worth of content a day. Just 4KB if you exclude the porn.


Brandon Muller said...

"Even worse, it annoys me." Tee hee!

Scott Roeben said...

Wow! Hey, folks, if you've never written a joke that gets a thumbs up from comedian Brandon Muller, well, you should try it. It's like winning the Nobel Peace Prize, but without having to set foot in Norway. Thanks, Brandon!