Saturday, December 19, 2009

Pilfered From the Headlines

Karzai announces new Afghan cabinet. His mother announces plan to stick to traditional blankets from now on.

Pot found on Lil Wayne's tour bus. In other shocking news, water found in ocean.

Baby without a brain turns 1. Man without a brain turns 59 on Jan. 12, plans to thank "dittoheads" for his success.

700,000 Dayquil units recalled. NyQuil users comment, "Glaaaaugh, mavver narf!"

Navy finds bodies after ship sinks. One of whom is Raven, up on the main stage.

Train passengers stranded in Chunnel. Brits grit what's left of their teeth and bear it.

U.S. prosecution links drugs to terrorism. No, wait, that's Doritos. Links drugs to Doritos, sorry.

Obama hosts community banks at White House. Emplores reps to help pens to cast off their chains.

Poland leads search for stolen Auschwitz sign. After hearing it sat atop two poles, they figured they had a head start.

U.S. says nuclear agreement is near. Bush comes out of seclusion to add, "Lotta good that does. What about nucular weapons?"

No comments: