Friday, December 4, 2009

A Sudden Explosion

Out of nowhere, spurred on by the re-discovery of a long-lost comedic inspiration (Andy Borowitz), I had a sudden urge to write topical, Twitter-length jokes, torn from the headlines...

American Amanda Knox found guilty of murdering British roommate. Horrifying details included victim's dental records.

Scores killed in blast at Russian nightclub. Related story: Russian dancers blasted for killer lap dance prices at Scores.

Chris Brown says, "I've never had problems with anger." "Great, put it all on us," say knuckles.

Nicolas Cage wins U.N. award for humanitarian work. Apparently, keeping bill collectors busy is now "humanitarian work."

George Washington letter to nephew Bushrod Washington sells for $32 million. It begins, "Dear Bushrod. BUSH. ROD. Tee-hee."

Police were called to Brad and Angelina's L.A. home. Tasers, tactical shotguns ineffective at subduing Brad's beard.

White House OKs expanding CIA drones. Employee dining room at Langley converts to Vegas-style buffet.

Former WWE star Umaga, "The Samoan Bulldozer," dead at 36. First case of a tongue going IN upon someone's death.

New Delhi launches campaign to discourage public urination. Call to ask about it answered by articulate guy in Maine.

Apple reportedly buys Lala music service. Bid for Pee-Pee rebuffed.

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