Thursday, December 24, 2009

News: Yanked From the Headlines

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins split. You might say Andy Dufresne finally got paroled.

Poll spells trouble for Lieberman. Spells it d-i-p-s-h-i-t.

Otters delay plane, get into bags. Customs dogs are federal employees, so they slept through the whole thing.

Lawmaker targets loud TV ads. Set to propose new legislation on SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!

Pranksters gift-wrap apartment. Grandmother of pranksters insists on saving bow.

Nestle shuts Zimbabwe factory. Charlie and Uncle Joe forced to get real jobs.

iPhone is 2009's top seller. Given spotty coverage, will be renamed "oyPhone" in 2010.

Nursing crisis about to get worse. Almost out of milk.

Winehouse charged with assault. And in other shocking news, moon not cheese.

Steven Tyler enters rehab. And in other shocking news, Winehouse charged with assault.

Hostages held in post office. Authorities later realize they're just in line. Same difference.

Three tigers escape from Mexican circus. Immediately proceed to Vegas to cheat on their wives.

Fugitive updates Facebook page while on run. Would have tweeted, but over capacity.

Embroiled Jackson doctor lands TV role. In a remake of "Gunsmoke" called "Smoking Gun."

"Sesame Street" star Alaina Reed-Amini dead at 63. Guests baffled by missing cookies at wake.

Study: Haitan children work as slaves. Apparently, children also serve as proofreaders at

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